Thursday 15 September 2011

Doctor Who: Let's Kill Hitler: First Draft Parody Script

Another great episode of Dr Who reviewed as a parody


Opens with a mini racing through a field to make crop circles.

Amy
See we are still a British show.

Mels comes racing in driving a Corvette. A Corvette which gets a nice shot parked next to the Tardis instead of the Mini.

Amy
Blast! Never mind.

Mels
You’ve got to get me out of here.

Doctor
But I’ve only just arrived.

Mels
You don’t want to stick around here Doctor. There is some nonsense going on where no ones dying. If you get this miracle sorted out in a day Torchwood will get bored.

A long time ago in Berlin.

Teselecta Nazi Officer
Time to suffer for your crimes Hitler.

The Tardis crashes into the side of the Reichstag with the worse sense of timing it has ever displayed.

Doctor
You shot my Tardis! Isn’t there an easier way of testing my “temporal grace”

Classic Who Fans
What?

Doctor
Allo Allo Allo, sorry for wrecking your office we had un petite problème.

Hitler
You saved my life.

Doctor, Amy Rory
Non!

Hitler
And you’re French?

Doctor
No, no. We’re British and proud.

Hitler
The British clearly have fearsome technology, I wont dare to attack you. I will shoot the man who tried to kill me though.

Rory punches Hitler in a fantastic character moment.

Rory
That was even better than Captain America.

Doctor
Hmm that could really change history. We’d best hide Hitler in the cupboard and hope he forgets this.

Rory
And I thought the title would lead to some moral dilemmas.

Mel
No time for that this episode is about me.

Mels dramatically regenerates into River Song. We wonder why time lords often regerate into new bodies which are actually past their physical prime.

Audience
So the Doctor could regenerate into a black man? That opens up some possibilities.

Amy
Mels you’re our Daughter? I’m too confused to show relief.

Mels
See Mum, you and Dad you did get to raise me. You even named your daughter after me.

Amy
Couldn’t the flashbacks have shown us having a close friendship? I named my daughter after my delinquent friend who caused me nothing but trouble. And you still turned into a psychopath. What kind of a mother am I?

Teselecta Opereative
That judgement can wait till later. Taking care of River Song will be an even greater achievement than punishing Hitler.

Teselecta Commander
River Song’s worse than Hitler? That sure is a bold statement.

Teselecta Opereative
Yes but we can’t do it here we need to go to The Library at the end of her life.

Teselecta Commander
No we’ll continue with the dramatic course of action we’ll chase her through Berlin.

River Song races through Berlin punishing some Nazis by forcing them out onto the street almost  naked. Amy and Rory try to follow but are miniaturised and taken into the Teselecta.

Rory
Miniaturisation? Oh no, Please no small jokes.

Teselecta Opereative
Quick put these wrist bands on they’ll protect you from the Teselecta antibodies.

Rory
What they don’t have a more intelligent way of recognising staff? That could be dangerous for you.

Doctor
Tardis I want a voice interface. Well a voice interface which comes with an image to be more specific.

An image of Rose appears.

Audience
Oh please not again.

The voice interface eventually changes to a young Amelia Pond.

Young Amy Pond
No one in the entire universe and at no point in history has ever come up with a cure for that poison.

Doctor
Typical thank you so much for that help.

Meanwhile back at the restaurant.

River Song
Hi mum, is it time for the mother daughter scene that everyone’s been waiting for since A Good Man Goes To War?

Telecta Amy
You killed the Doctor. Suffer!

Doctor
Killed Doctor Who?

Rory
Ok maybe a small joke would have been better.

Doctor
So Teselecta, got any useful exposition for me.

Teselecta Commander
The Silence is an organisation and not just one species.

Doctor
Oh good I don’t have to worry about forgetting those aliens name then. But I will have to update my blog.

Amy and Rory
Doctor!

Doctor
What? You’ve got the sonic screw driver. You can stop them from torturing your daughter.

They do so in the usual dangerous way. River then saves them from the antibodies, learning to pilot the Tardis with a speed the Doctor can only envy.

River Song
You’re a caring man, this has suddenly reversed all that brainwashing I had. Even all of Amy’s good stories about you didn’t do that.

Rory
Oh no the Doctor’s dead! Can any of us make it through an episode without that happening?

River Song
Don’t worry I’ll use my remaining regenerations to save him.

Doctor
I’m touched. Does that mean I get extra regenerations or just come back to life?

Writer Steven Moffat
Oh I think that question can wait.

Amy
So after all the longing to be with our daughter again, we’re just going to leave her?

Doctor
There comes a time when we all have to let our children go. Especially when they’re 48.





Copyright © Nathan Groves http://wondersandparodies.blogspot.com/
This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission.

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